I'm Not Silly If I Cry
by Akira Mokona
Summary: They were down to the final moments, who wouldn't cry? RenjixRukia I do not own Bleach, Renji, or Rukia, or any other character mentioned.


This wouldn't do.

Rukia sighed, dark blue eyes fluttering open and her small hand rising to the red band around her neck. Eyes half-lidded, she sat up to wrap her arms over her shoulders. He was all she could think about, and it was almost driving her crazy. Only a few more days before she would be executed, and she hadn't even told him her feelings about him. Nearly laughing at herself, all she could claim she was would be a coward. It wasn't just for a few days, no, it was ever since she met him. And she knew she would never find love like that again. He acted tough when she couldn't, and cheered for her every step of the way, even when he was battered and close to breaking. She could only think of him, his aura like a perfume that could wash over her and heal her from any injury, to make her feel safe forever. His name left her lips and tears pooled over.

"Renji…"

…_Please come now I think I'm falling  
I'm holding on to all I think is safe…_

What had happened to her mask that shielded her when he wasn't there? The one she had built when she was taken here? She didn't want to think about it, how her thick skin had shattered to pieces at her feet when he drifted into her mind. She felt like she was swimming in a whirlpool of warm water filled with lilies, trying to save herself from the heart of the storm, where everything disappeared but the lilies memories that haunted her. It was an endless circle of losing hope and fighting the current.

And she didn't think she could handle a second more.

_…It seems I found the road to nowhere  
And I'm trying to escape…_

Rukia knew the truth of the matter, the way the fickle thing called love worked. She was losing him, not the other way around. She had made the mistakes, and he would spend the rest of his life alone because of her, but she would carry the burden. The pain didn't bother her that much now, it was a dull roar compared to her screaming insides, angry at her for not taking the chance of telling him. Rukia agreed with them, too. She shouldn't have shied away like some bug from light. Oh, what she could have said to him. A goodbye? A promise? I love you? It didn't matter.

She was going to die before she would have the chance, anyway.

_…I yelled back when I heard thunder  
But I'm down to one last breath…_

If he ever came here, what would she say, anyway? It wasn't like all of the horrible things she caused would be suddenly erased, like her words could heal like his to her. Even with her desperate attempts, he would still hurt, but he wouldn't tell her that. It was the kind of man he was. Live and live only to protect your friends.

The tears began to fall again. Oh, how she wished it could have meant more, that she could have meant more to him. But she knew. She knew the rules.

That life doesn't work that way.

_…And with it let me say  
Let me say…_

What was that fantasy that she dreamt about on the nights before, before she was a criminal, when she was alone in the human world? Oh, she remembered now.

She had been bored with paperwork, even drawing her adorable little cartoons, and he had snuck through the window with flowers, giving them to her and nervously confessing his l-

Rukia rolled over, slamming her fist onto the floor, bawling now. It hurt to think about it, to even dream of him loving her. It was ironic, considering that if he did, she wouldn't be in pain anymore.

And she could stay in his arms forever.

_…Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…_

Hiccups from her sobbing choked the words she wanted to scream, and pain continued to throb through her veins. If this was what it was like to be in love, maybe it wasn't such a good idea anymore. Her thoughts drifted, and she hesitantly considered the last escape.

Maybe her execution wasn't so bad after all.

_…That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down…_

He was furious.

That damn wannabe brought him to his knees, and now he was left to survive, to live the rest of his life in shame. Gasping slightly, he stopped himself. No, that wasn't the worst of the outcome. He could have been the one, the one to keep running, racing to save her. The only one he thought was worth living for.

Rukia.

_…I'm looking down now that it's over  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes…_

What happened to the time they spent together? Those years running around and running away, what did they mean now? The days she felt worthless and he encouraged her to keep at it, each time wanting to say something more, but settling with cheering her up, nothing more. He wanted to have her at his side the rest of their lives, to have her eyes only focused on him with a smile gracing those beautiful lips, and to protect her with his life with even more meaning than he had before.

But it didn't turn out that way.

_…I thought I found the road to somewhere  
Somewhere in His grace…_

He hated himself. He hated himself for not being strong enough, to being good enough, for not taking the chance to be with her. How many chances did he have to tell her? How many times could he have held her close to him, long enough to save himself from another day of regret?

Renji supressed the urge to scream as loud as he could, in pure anger, regret, and sadness. But he couldn't bring himself to.

Not if there was the chance she could hear him.

_…I cried out heaven save me  
But I'm down to one last breath…_

Renji couldn't handle the thought of losing her, to having her killed as a criminal when she was anything but. It was like a part of him was being ripped away from him, like his heart was in the clutches of an invisible hand, squeezing with a murderous fervour. He didn't want to feel like this, to be in this pain.

But he knew that this was nothing compared to her pain, to knowing she would die soon. He almost dared to wonder, what did she regret?

…_And with it let me say  
Let me say…_

He had everything when she was beside him, even at the times he was sick of her, when both of them would end up yelling at each other. But still, they would only stop and start laughing at how stupid the other looked angry, and the fight would be left where they stood. Those were the days he realized that she would never have the feelings he had for her, that they would stay friends until the ends of their lives.

But he couldn't let it end like that.

_…Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…_

Renji's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched the blood pour from his lips and pool around him. He knew he couldn't stop it, but, somehow, that was okay with him.

Maybe if he died, if the colour drained from his face and his eyes clouded, if his aching heart stopped, he wouldn't hurt anymore.

_…That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down…_

His eyes slowly blinked, almost like watching his life pass by him, and he swallowed another scream. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open, and his moved his hands to push himself up to eventually stand.

No, he wouldn't let it end like that. For him, death wasn't an option.

For either of them.

…_Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…_

Stumbling slightly, he straightened, then broke into a run. Sword in hand, his worried glance drifted above to the tall spear, overlooking the Soul Society with a looming presence. Renji sped up, chest heaving already from the strain of his injuries. He can't let this happen, he won't let this happen. He wouldn't just let Rukia go like that, no matter the consequences. He would give anything to keep her safe, even his own life.

_…That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down…_

He had no choice, it was his duty, it was in his soul, the very chemicals in his body had taken over his very conscious, driving him to stop the slaughtering of the thing that completed him.

_…I'm so far down…_

She could just imagine him standing there in the crowd, arms crossed with a stern look on his face. Even though he wasn't, half of Rukia wished he was, so she could at least have him be the last thing she saw before she died. But the other half was too blinded by pain. Why was she hurting so much? Nothing had changed, and still her chest heaved and muscles tired and eyelids drooped. Maybe she was just scared of death. But why? She had faced it multiple times, so why was this so painful?

A hand on her arm tore her from her thoughts as she was led to the tall wooden structure. The wavering mirage stood by the other captains and leutenants, but they didn't notice it. A mere trick of Rukia's mind, but she wouldn't want to see anything else. Just Renji standing there, watching her walk her last few steps seemed enough for her.

_…Sad eyes follow me  
But I still believe there's something left for me…_

What would he say to her if she could talk to him for one last time? Would he tell her not to worry about it? To make her promise to visit him in the next life? The possibilities bothered her, but at least it drew her away from the thoughts of her impending execution.

His presence seemed so far away, or was it just that she was so used to it being close to her? So used to wanting it to be close to her?

_…So please come stay with me  
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me  
For you and me  
For you and me…_

Rukia stood alone, staring at the ground, not wanting to look at the people who would witness her slaying. Hands squeezed her shoulders, and she gasped, look up to see him. He was right in front of her. Smiling. Tears spilt, and she quickly turned away, not wanting him to see her like this.

"Silly, don't cry." She glanced back, only to see he was gone, leaving her feeling stupid. Another image of her mind. Another wish she'd never have granted. His voice still rang in her ears. _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

_…Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking, thinking…_

The ropes unwound, and the tiles beneath her feet glowed and floated to hover next to her hands and feet.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

Rukia felt her stomach flip as she was pulled to the top of the structure, the captains and leutenants below her either glanced away or continued to watch.

_Don't cry!_

_…Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking  
That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down…_

Rukia suddenly gasped, what had just happened? Wasn't she just being… She looked around, realizing she was leaning against a large tree, the sunlight gleaming through the canopies onto her white clothes, making them seem brighter.

Her memory lodged into place. She remembered now. Ichigo had stopped the execution, and he had handed her off to someone, to take her somewhere safe. Sleep still pulled at her mind, luring her back, but she shook it off, choosing to stand.

"Oh, hey, you're awake."

Rukia spun around, then froze, a name spilling from her lips.

"Renji?"

_…Hold me now  
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking…_

His grin was wide, even as he stifled his laugh. He stepped forward, ruffling her hair under his hand. "You were asleep for a while. I thought you had a freak out and passed out on me."

With a childish glare, she spat back. "Well you're the one that practically slung me over your shoulder and ran off with me!" Both of them crossed their arms and glanced away, the forest growing quiet.

"Rukia…" His hands were really on her shoulders this time, the squeeze even firmer than in her daydream. She hesitantly looked up at him, trying to keep her apathetic daggers in her eyes, only to met worried ones. "I…I'm glad you weren't killed."

_…That maybe six feet  
Ain't so far down…_

Rukia nodded solemnly, and Renji threw his arms around her, causing her to yelp in surprise.

"Renji, what are you-!"

"I'm not letting you go anymore, Rukia, I won't let you be in danger."

Rukia shook her head slightly as tears split for the umpenteenth time that day, and Renji's calloused fingers slowly brushed them away.

"Silly, don't cry."

_…Please come now I think I'm falling  
I'm holding on to all I think is safe…_

(lyrics are One Last Breath by Creed)

_**I take requests, so please message me if you want a fanfic!**_


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